Yutaro Narihara Column Vol. 6
『When There’s a Deadline, What Do People Choose? My Visa Felt Almost Like a Terminal Diagnosis.』

“You only live once, so do what you want.”

I think that’s something almost everyone has heard at least once.

Of course, if you could live doing only what you truly want to do, that would be ideal.

But lately, I’ve started to feel that while the phrase sounds true, it’s also incredibly difficult.

Because life is long.

Even if people say you only get one life, that “one life” is so long that it doesn’t automatically tell you how you should spend today.

At the same time, there’s also the opposite question: “What would you do if you were going to die tomorrow?” I understand that way of thinking too.

A future too distant to see, and a tomorrow too immediate to imagine. Somewhere between those two extremes, where is the length of time we can actually feel and think about in a real way? That’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.

The “deadline” in Canada was always there from the beginning

One of the biggest obstacles to living in Canada is the expiration date on a visa. My visa situation is not something that suddenly appeared recently.

I knew it long before I came here.

But lately, instead of seeing that deadline as nothing more than a source of anxiety, I’ve started to see it as something that forces me to look at how I use my time.

Will I be able to stay in Canada? Or will I have to return to Japan?

Right now, I don’t know. But when I think of it this way—at the very least, this is the amount of time I’ve been given as I am now—certain things begin to come into focus.

What do I want to do right now?
What should I be doing right now?
And what should I not be doing right now?

When there is a deadline, people suddenly start thinking about priorities. I’ve gradually come to feel that through my own visa.

Thinking of it like a terminal diagnosis

This may sound a little extreme, but I’ve started to feel that this is somewhat similar to a terminal diagnosis.

Of course, I’m not sick, and I’m not about to die tomorrow. But when people can finally see an ending, isn’t that when they first begin to think concretely about what they really want to do?

And it’s not only about what they do want. It’s also about what they don’t need to do, what they were only continuing out of habit, and what they had simply been letting time slip away on. Those things often don’t become visible until the very last moment.

If someone were told they had limited time left, I don’t think they would say, “Then I’ll just drift through the rest of it.”

I think a lot of people would feel, “If I’m going to go, then I want to spend that time doing what I truly want to do.”

And if, by some chance, they were given more time after that, it wouldn’t feel like mere survival. It would feel like being given more time to do what they truly want.

Lately, when I think about the expiration date on my visa, I realized I’ve been feeling something close to that. Whether or not I can stay in Canada matters, of course.

But more than that, I think what matters now is pouring myself fully into what I actually want to do.

So that I can accept whichever future comes

There was a time when I was strongly driven by the thought that I had to produce results while I was still in Canada.

But lately, I’ve started to feel that it isn’t only about that.

Even if I end up going back to Japan, even if I don’t come away with some visible result, if I’ve spent that time doing what I genuinely wanted to do, then I think I’ll be able to accept the way I used that time.

What scares me more is the opposite: letting time pass vaguely, only to realize the deadline is suddenly right in front of me.

That’s exactly why I’ve become much more conscious of how I use my time.

I’m still nowhere near doing it perfectly, so I’m in no position to speak as if I have it all figured out.

Still, I can say with confidence that my awareness has changed.

Is this really time I want to be spending?

Is what I’m doing now something that will still remain with me no matter what future I end up in?

I’ve started thinking more seriously about questions like that.

Everyone is living inside some kind of deadline

I don’t think this is only a story for people who have a visa deadline.

All of us are living while borrowing time from some kind of limit.

That limit may be age. It may be a work deadline, or family circumstances.

Before I turn 30. Before I turn 40. Before this year ends.

When you have a deadline like that, doesn’t it become a little easier to see what you truly feel?

What do you really want to do?
What do you not want to do?
What do you want to spend your time on?

Because life is long, simply telling yourself “do what you want” can become blurry.

That’s why I think there is real meaning in having a deadline of your own.

Will I stay in Canada? Or will I return to Japan?

What matters most to me right now is not that result itself, but what I do before that day comes. And if I am able to stay in Canada, then maybe that simply means I’ve been given more time to do what I want to do.

If that’s the case, then I’ll just keep doing it from there.

That’s exactly why I want to keep living by setting my own deadlines and doing what I truly want to do within them.

At least for now, that’s how I’ve started to think.