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When Will the Seeds I’ve planted Sprout?
For Vol. 5, I had planned to write about team building and casting—things I learned through working on STAND. But when I actually sat down to write, the words just wouldn’t come out.
It’s not that I want to deny what I experienced through STAND. That time still remains deeply with me, and when I look back, there’s a lot I could talk about—what I was thinking then, what I struggled with, and where I failed. What felt off was something else.
There was a strange discomfort in continuing to organize and talk about past events when I still haven’t truly achieved anything yet. The more I tried to put the past into words, the more it started to feel like it was drifting away from who I am now.
So this time, I want to talk not about the past, but about the present. I want to share the feeling that the seeds I’ve been planting since coming to Canada are finally starting, little by little, to sprout.
目次
What has changed over these past two years in Canada?
When I stopped for a moment and looked back at myself, a certain feeling came up.
It was this: Maybe the seeds I’ve been planting since coming to Canada are finally starting to sprout.
Connections, experience, skills—things like that. I feel them slowly growing over time. It’s not some dramatic transformation, and it’s not something I can point to and say, “This is the result.” But even so, I can feel that something is definitely starting to move.
When I first came to Canada, I jumped into acting classes without even being able to speak English properly, and I’d go home feeling completely out of my depth. Even at auditions, there were a lot of times when I couldn’t fully understand what was being asked of me and just had to get through the moment somehow. Of course, there are still plenty of things I’m lacking even now.
Even so, I can clearly feel that communication in class has gotten better than it used to be.
It’s not just that I can hear the English better now—I’m also starting to understand what is actually being asked of me in the room. And when it comes to auditions, I’ve started to feel that not having perfect English is not necessarily only a disadvantage. Being Japanese—my background, my identity—I think I’ve become more conscious than before about using those things as strengths.
On top of that, my relationships in Canada have slowly started to expand too.
At first, most of my connections were with people who had also come here on working holidays. Now, little by little, I’m getting to know people who have lived in Canada for a long time, people chasing their dreams in a second language, and even people working at the front lines of the industry.
Of course, I still have relationships that have continued since the very beginning too.
This isn’t a story about me suddenly becoming somebody.
Still, over these past few years, I’ve kept showing up—even if it was awkward, even if it was clumsy. I kept going to sets, meeting people, and talking. And I feel that those accumulated efforts are slowly leading me to the next place.
More than anything, what has mattered most is that people who had been watching what I do have started reaching out to me.
I’ve found people who share the same mindset and want to build projects together. Because I spent such a long time moving on my own, I understand much more deeply now what it means to have people beside you who are facing the same direction.
I’m not moving only out of “anxiety” anymore
Lately, people have been telling me things like, “You should rest a little more,” or “Try relaxing a bit.” I’m grateful for those words, and they’ve also given me a chance to notice things about myself that I hadn’t been seeing.
But when I really looked back at myself, I realized something. I’m not doing this because it’s painful.
Of course there are hard days, and of course there are moments when I feel anxious. But I’m doing it because I want to. The truth is, before I knew it, I had simply kept going.
There was definitely a time when I was being pulled forward mainly by the anxiety of needing results. But now it’s not just that anymore. Little by little, I feel like I’ve become able to keep going from my own center. This is my third year in Vancouver, and right now, the feeling that things are finally starting to move is stronger than anything else.
What am I going to plant next?
My visa expires in April 2027. More and more people have been asking me whether I’m planning to stay here or not. If I can stay, of course that would be ideal.
But at the same time, I feel that if I don’t keep planting and growing new seeds before then, even if I do get to spend a fourth year here, it may not end up meaning much.
I’m still only in the middle of the process. There are still so many things I want to try, and so many things I want to challenge myself with. That’s exactly why I want to keep planting more seeds over this next year too.
【When do the seeds we plant begin to sprout?】
Some seeds sprout quickly. Others can look like nothing is happening at all. And sometimes, even when they have sprouted, you yourself don’t notice it for a while.
What is slowly supporting me now, I think, is what I was doing back when I had nothing.
Going to class even when I couldn’t speak English well. Talking to as many people as I could on set. Keeping auditioning, regardless of the quality. Back then, I had no idea when any of it would come back to me—if it ever would. I could only do what I was capable of in that moment.
Even now, it’s not like I’ve achieved some huge result. But there is at least one thing I can say for sure.
What you plant doesn’t just disappear because you can’t see it right away. Even if it takes time, even if it changes shape, there are things that come back later and support you.
That is something I —someone who is still nobody— hold onto.
And honestly, I’m excited for what’s ahead.
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